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What I Wish the Church Knew About Singles

Disclaimer: Everything you are about to read is going to be highly biased. I’m not kidding myself- I know that very well. I know that I’m basing all of this on my own experiences and on the experiences of others in my church. Your experience may be totally and completely different. Feel free to dump my opinion in the garbage if you don’t think it’s true. ūüôā Also there has been such a long break between posts because of how much thinking and praying went into this post.

My family would probably call me a sneaky or snoopy person. I prefer the word observant.¬†Ever since I was a kid, I’ve had the ability to somehow…um…gain information that no one else had. For instance, Mom and Dad would be planning a secret family vacation and somehow, I would be the only kid who would knew where we were going. Accused often of eavesdropping (probably true), I like to think that I just happened to overhear things that no one else did. On top of that, I love to people watch. Sit me in a coffee shop and I’m a creeper- extraordinaire. I watch what people do, but more than that, I watch their facial and body expressions. Yup, creepy, right?

So over the last few years, I have gained some knowledge in the area of singles in the church. Not only by being one, but by watching others. And I’m here to share that knowledge with you all. This is not a desperate cry for HELP! nor is it a guilt trip for the church. I’m not trying to sound petty or sarcastic, although it may come across that way at times. Please take it as a friendly post from a friendly person. Here goes:

  1. ¬†Singles are not scary human beings. This may seem like an odd thing to say but I have a reason. I think it’s pretty “stereotypical” for singles to complain about being left out of things at church. I also think that hospitality is one of the least taught on commands in Scripture. Let me say this: It is VERY rare for a single person to get an invitation to a family’s house for dinner. I think people feel awkward inviting just one person over. But several times I have seen it happen that as soon as there’s a couple, it’s easier for others to invite them. But the Bible commands hospitality to all, even strangers. Not just those you are comfortable with.
  2. Singles LOVE kids! This is along the lines of the last one. Most of the singles I know in my church love to be around kids. I asked for advice when writing this post and my best friend said that even to be invited over to a family’s house with the parent’s still there (AKA, not always to babysit) and just to hang out with the family. She mentioned reading stories to the kids and playing with them. Just being a part of the family.
  3. We are busy people too. This one might get a lot of “but, but, buts” coming from people. I’m saying it with a grain of salt so take it that way. Listen, we ALL have the same 24 hours in our day and we ALL choose what to do with those hours. After work, singles can choose whether they will stay home and watch Netflix, just like parents can choose how many sports their kids will participate in. Sometimes there is an assumption that if you are single, then you MUST have an abundance of extra time on your hands and you absolutely must be using that to serve or you don’t love Jesus. Now there is some truth that we don’t have a family and kids to take care of but there are singles I know that are some of the busiest people and it IS with serving! Yet they are always expected to do more because they are single.
  4. Singles are adults. I hear a lot of unhelpful/untrue statements from married people. Things like, “It’s such a shame that some guy hasn’t snatched you up yet” or “You’re going to make a wonderful wife” or “God has the right guy out there for you.” These statements give us the idea that singleness is just a transition state and actually lend towards discontentment. Also, you do not know whether a person will get married or not. It’s not up to you! Please leave the matchmaking to God and treat singles as full adults, instead of something hanging in between teens and married adults.
  5. Singles know we don’t know everything. After reading this post, you may be thinking, “You sure don’t!” Haha that’s ok. I know it. I’m thinking of one area in particular. A lot of times when you hear singles talk about marriage, if a married person is around, you will almost surely hear them pipe up, “Hey! It’s not all it’s cracked up to be!” Or something along those lines. First off, thank you for making God’s covenant design look soooo appealing. -_- Secondly, we aren’t 12 anymore. We have real expectations of marriage. We don’t expect Disney marriages. We know that marriages happen between two sinners and there are bad days, months, even years. We know that there are dishes to do, toilets to clean, bills to pay. And that’s not even adding kids into it! We know that getting married is complicated. But think back to when you were single…did you desire to be married then? Please realize that YOU are our example of Christ’s union with the church and we need good examples. They are few and far between. Actually, my best friend and I tried to think of some really good marriages (knowing that it’s only what we see from the outside) that we would look at and say, “Yeah, I would want my marriage to look like that.” We thought for a looonngg time and barely came up with two out of all the couples we knew. Please remember that none of us know everything and we can all learn from each other.

If you made it this far, congrats and thank you. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time as I watch the singles I know and I observe my own heart. By God’s grace, I’m praying we all grow closer to each other as we get closer to Christ. Feel free to comment below with any thoughts you have.

 
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Posted by on May 9, 2018 in church

 

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Being Content at Home

Lots of people think that a girl who chooses to stay home after graduation is just sitting around waiting to get married.¬† They picture that daughter as a princess sitting in a tower just waiting for her prince to come.¬† Sometimes they even imagine that she is being held captive by an evil dragon (parents) who stifles her.¬†¬†They can’t imagine that a girl may love to be at home or¬†that she would choose to give up¬†the ‘equal opportunity’ ¬†feminists have worked so hard to give her.

Ahhh….those poor, befuddled people…

I would love to be married but at the same time I realize something. Marriage comes with many cares I don’t have right now.¬† I’m enjoying all the free time I have right now to serve others and I know that some of that will disappear or change forms¬†when I marry.¬† So, for the time being, I’m enjoying it and getting all I can out of it. Now, I’m also told that a wife and mommy has some unspeakable joys that you can’t experience until you’re there. Maybe someday, I’ll have those joys.

Many girls find it hard to stay content at home and long to be married. Here are some things I have learned in this area:

1. Don’t fantasize about your wedding too much.¬† I’ve heard some girls talk about how they have their whole wedding planned out and they aren’t even close to marriage. I’ve never really thought too much about my wedding because I know it’s not all about me. After all, I won’t be marrying myself!¬† My husband has a say in things too!¬† I don’t think a lot about the wedding. I picture years later, after I’ve been married to my best friend for a long time, hoping to see my grandchildren and more!

2.¬†Some things aren’t going to change after the wedding.¬† I mean, after all, you will still have dishes to do, chores needing to be done, and kids (hopefully!)¬† to take care of.¬† I think girls imagine that after they are married, all their problems will melt away.¬† Not true!

3. Make the most out of your time at home.  Lots of moms have told me that they wished they had made more out of the time before they got married.  I want to be able to look back on these years and know that I served with all I had!

If you aren’t content without a husband, you won’t be content with one. Contentment comes from God!¬† He alone can satisfy.

“Nothing makes God more supreme and more central in worship than when a people are utterly persuaded that nothing – not money or prestige or leisure or family or job or health or sports or toys or friends – nothing is going to bring satisfaction to their sinful, guilty, aching hearts besides God.”
-John Piper

A great article on contentment can be found HERE.

 
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Posted by on March 26, 2013 in contentment

 

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So Sweet

The other day, David gave me the best compliment I’ve ever gotten.

Out of all the girls David knows, I was his first pick to marry.¬† Awwww…

Somehow, I don’t think it will work out.

 
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Posted by on November 8, 2012 in brothers

 

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