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Category Archives: contentment

When Dreams Fall

I always thought that dreams had to be something big. Like a dream job, how you want to change the world, or the perfect marriage. But I’ve recently learned that dreams can come in all shapes and sizes. It doesn’t always have to be something life-altering. Sometimes, a dream can be something that is small but important to you. Actually, I think that is really the key: importance.

How did I come to this conclusion? Hmmm…when I first tried to understand the idea of not working for a while and needing to rest, I hated the thought. Mostly, because I am not very good at resting. I like to be doing stuff and I like to be working so the idea of giving that up frustrated me. But suddenly a wonderful thought popped into my head and slowly a dream started to form. I started to envision all this time that I would have to study God’s Word and do my devotions. I thought about quiet time without time restraints and unlimited hours to read great books and really get closer with the Lord. And I got a little excited. I ordered a few new books and stared at them, waiting for the time to come where I would finally have time to read them.

And the time has come. Do you know what? I can’t read. This has happened before, right when I first started having seizures, but I find myself really unable to read for any length of time. My eyes jump from line to line and the amount of focus it takes to read is so incredible that my head starts to pound and I get worn out very quickly. Everyone tells me to get audio books but I am the worst auditory learner IN. THE. WORLD. It’s like background noise and I just tone it out. (I’m sure some of you are thinking I’m crazy but maybe you don’t like reading at all so picture something else. ūüôā )

In my disappointment, my heart and mind cry out “Lord! How can this be good?! How can it be good for me to not be able to read your Word? I don’t understand!”

And you know what? I will honestly say that I don’t know the answer to that question. But I know that I don’t need to know all the answers and I can also honestly say with Job, “The¬†Lord¬†gave, and the¬†Lord¬†has taken away; blessed be the name of the¬†Lord.‚ÄĚ I read this simple quote the other day and I feel like I should write it down and put it up all over my apartment so I don’t forget it! It said, “And if not, He is still good” Just let that sink in. You can put whatever thoughts you want in there and it won’t matter:

He. is. still. good.

What a beautiful thing to rest in.

 
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Posted by on September 19, 2017 in contentment

 

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I had a Dream

This may be one of the most personal, open, and honest posts I have ever written and it was hard to write. But I was telling this story to someone last week and it really encouraged them so I thought I would share it here. I should be writing a medical update since I was at Cleveland Clinic on Friday but that will have to wait. ūüôā

A while back I was on this medication that caused me to have nightmares. Now before this, I had really not had very many dreams. At all. I rarely ever dreamed, good or bad. But something about this medicine suddenly cause an influx in dreams. They were only bad dreams and they were very, very vivid. The kind that you wake up from in a panic or wake up crying. Sometimes they were so vivid I would wake up and had already jumped halfway out of bed before I realized what was happening. Every night I would climb into bed and pray that I would have no dreams that night.

One night, I had a dream. I dreamed that I was pregnant and gave birth to this tiny little baby. It was so small that I could hold it in my hands only. This is really hard for me to write and some of you are going to think I am crazy, but did you know you can love something in a dream? I don’t know how that’s possible, but I loved that tiny little human in my dream. Shortly after it was born, some soldiers broke into the hospital where I was which was a big room with a bunch of people in it. I was going to spare the details but I think I’m going to tell the complete story. One of the soldiers grabbed the baby from my hands and killed it by stomping on it with his boot. And I woke up crying.

These are the kinds of dreams I mean. I don’t read into dreams or try to interpret them; I just take them as dreams. For days after I would think of that dream and still cry because of the love I felt for that baby. How can you love something in a dream? That’s ridiculous, right? The months went by and the pain of that dream slowly faded until I didn’t think about it anymore. I came off of that medicine, the dreams stopped, and I praised the Lord!

Fast forward to two weeks ago. Suddenly, that dream came to my mind in the middle of the day. And not once, but 4 times that day. And the next day. And the next. And I found myself thinking about it a lot. I prayed and asked God why it was coming to my mind and that he would fill my thoughts with things that were pure and lovely. I would recite Phil. 4:8 every time it came into my head.

One day I was talking with Natalie, just exasperated that I couldn’t figure out why that dream kept coming to mind. She asked if I had been thinking about babies or pregnancy or anything like that. And it suddenly hit me. Like a light bulb moment. I had had one thought a week or so earlier that if I started to date someone, at sometime I was going to have to tell him that I can’t be pregnant.

You see, you can’t be pregnant while on seizure medicine because it almost always causes severe birth defects in the baby. It is still possible to have epilepsy and have babies, you just have to come off your medication and go through a process with your doctor. And while I wasn’t anticipating being pregnant anytime soon, I realized that I hadn’t fully given that desire over to the Lord yet.

It’s odd how God uses stuff in our lives sometimes. How a dream from months before was used to show me an area that I needed to pray about and be at peace with. And the dream has vanished. I haven’t thought about it once since that day. But I am thankful that God used it to bring me to the place where I am now. I don’t plan to be pregnant anytime soon but I am confident in God’s will in that area and will cross that bridge when it arrives and I wasn’t able to say that honestly before.

 
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Posted by on March 5, 2017 in contentment

 

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A Random Post from a Jumbled Mind

As you may know, my little brother has epilepsy.¬† If you didn’t know that, you may want to read THIS¬†post.¬† Anyway, he hasn’t had a real seizure for over a year due to medication to prevent them.¬† On Monday, he acted funny all day and through a fast sequence of events, he ended up in the ER again.¬† It’s pretty sad when a trip to the ER barely ruffles the day anymore- we kind of have a routine.

The girls have still been doing school without mom here.¬† They do it pretty well on their own with only a little help from me.¬† There have been so many calls to update people and get news from mom.¬† Today, all of us girls headed over to the local crisis pregnancy center to volunteer and spent a few hours helping out.¬† We proceeded to eat lunch at MacDonald’s (because I had coupons) and then picked up a gift for mom¬†because she is kind of worn out.

A couple of ladies from our church will be bringing us dinner tomorrow and Friday. I’m so thankful for them!!!

The doctors are really unsure what to do at this point.¬† Do they increase his meds or put him on another one?¬† This was so out of the blue.¬† David will be coming home later today and we can’t wait to see him.

With mom in the hospital, I was able to get her mother’s day gift ready.¬† We (finally) bought a wireless router and I was able to hook up the laptop, printer, and Wii. ¬†Shhhhh….it’s still a secret….

 

And through it all here’s what we know…

God is good and he’s in control!

 

 
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Posted by on May 8, 2013 in contentment

 

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Being Content at Home

Lots of people think that a girl who chooses to stay home after graduation is just sitting around waiting to get married.¬† They picture that daughter as a princess sitting in a tower just waiting for her prince to come.¬† Sometimes they even imagine that she is being held captive by an evil dragon (parents) who stifles her.¬†¬†They can’t imagine that a girl may love to be at home or¬†that she would choose to give up¬†the ‘equal opportunity’ ¬†feminists have worked so hard to give her.

Ahhh….those poor, befuddled people…

I would love to be married but at the same time I realize something. Marriage comes with many cares I don’t have right now.¬† I’m enjoying all the free time I have right now to serve others and I know that some of that will disappear or change forms¬†when I marry.¬† So, for the time being, I’m enjoying it and getting all I can out of it. Now, I’m also told that a wife and mommy has some unspeakable joys that you can’t experience until you’re there. Maybe someday, I’ll have those joys.

Many girls find it hard to stay content at home and long to be married. Here are some things I have learned in this area:

1. Don’t fantasize about your wedding too much.¬† I’ve heard some girls talk about how they have their whole wedding planned out and they aren’t even close to marriage. I’ve never really thought too much about my wedding because I know it’s not all about me. After all, I won’t be marrying myself!¬† My husband has a say in things too!¬† I don’t think a lot about the wedding. I picture years later, after I’ve been married to my best friend for a long time, hoping to see my grandchildren and more!

2.¬†Some things aren’t going to change after the wedding.¬† I mean, after all, you will still have dishes to do, chores needing to be done, and kids (hopefully!)¬† to take care of.¬† I think girls imagine that after they are married, all their problems will melt away.¬† Not true!

3. Make the most out of your time at home.  Lots of moms have told me that they wished they had made more out of the time before they got married.  I want to be able to look back on these years and know that I served with all I had!

If you aren’t content without a husband, you won’t be content with one. Contentment comes from God!¬† He alone can satisfy.

“Nothing makes God more supreme and more central in worship than when a people are utterly persuaded that nothing – not money or prestige or leisure or family or job or health or sports or toys or friends – nothing is going to bring satisfaction to their sinful, guilty, aching hearts besides God.”
-John Piper

A great article on contentment can be found HERE.

 
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Posted by on March 26, 2013 in contentment

 

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Enjoying Life

I want to enjoy life.  I want to live a holy and pure life.  I want to play and have fun with my siblings. I want to realize and take hold of the important things in life.  I want to live without fear.

And, by God’s grace, I can!

I don’t have to live in fear of tomorrow because it’s in God’s hands.¬† I can suck the joy out of every moment because He has given me that joy.¬† I can love and enjoy my¬†family because He first loved me.

“But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”

Romans 5: 8

I’m learning about this, the important things.¬† In the end, it’s not going to matter¬†I if¬† accomplish all the things I would like to.¬† Did I show Christ’s love to others? Was I a blessing to those in need?¬† Did I take time to love and serve my family?

Not that I don’t want to accomplish things. But sometimes, I need to look at the big picture.¬† In the vastness of life, is this going to matter?¬† I want to put my whole being into loving God with all my heart and loving my neighbor as myself.¬† That’s the big picture.¬†That is what is going to matter in the end.

I can serve the Lord while I wash toilets, scrub floors, read to my sister, hang out laundry, or wash the dishes.¬† And I love that!¬† I love that I can glorify God through my daily life.¬† Through my work and my studies.¬† It’s what brings meaning to the little things I do!

“So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.”

1 Corinthians 10:31

I want that to be my goal in life.

 
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Posted by on August 24, 2012 in contentment, family, joy

 

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Growing Up

It all started on Memorial Day.  Memorial Day is fish for free day around here.  So, of course, we all went fishing.  David decided that this really big rock would be perfect to climb on.  Little did he know that it was very, very slippery.  Hence, he fell in the mud and actually started to sink into it. Hero sister Bethany decided that now would be a good time to rescue her little brother.  Hence, SHE found out that the rock was very, very slippery.  Finally, Mom stepped in.  She ordered Bethany out of the mud.  And how did Bethany make her exit?  By pushing off of Mom. Hence MOM found out that the rock was very, very slippery.  (I don’t know what silly person had the camera and did NOT get a picture of all this)  Anyway, Mom fell in the mud and tore a ligament in her finger.  Did you know that if you tear a ligament in your finger, you must spend two hours, three days a week, in therapy?  Not exactly how we had planned to spend that time.

So Caroline and I have been doing a lot more around the house, such as all the canning.  We canned 4-5 different kinds of jam, froze blueberries and shredded zucchini, canned and froze beans, and canned corn.  We have also made and canned salsa and tomato soup.  Great experience!

But now Caroline has a sprained ankle.  She has to use crutches at least until Sunday and has to ice it and keep it elevated.

Sometimes in life, we have to grow up.¬† We have to be responsible and take initiative in getting things done.¬† We can’t wait for others to do the work and we can’t put it off or wait to be asked to do it.¬† This is one of those times for me.¬† Mom isn’t allowed to do much because she risks hurting her finger again. Caroline is now lovingly called “The Cripple.”¬† It’s up to me.¬† Rebecca is also learning she has to step up and help more too.

The work has to be done.  And you know what?  It has to be done joyfully!  One of the shortest verses in the Bible is:

“Rejoice always”¬† 1 Thess. 5:16

So short. So simple.¬† Rejoice always!¬† Much easier said than done.¬† Because joy doesn’t come from our circumstances.¬† True joy comes from the Lord and Him alone.¬† I’m learning this more and more.

So the next time I see a huge bowl of tomatoes waiting for me, or dishes that need washed, or beans that need picked, I don’t want to look at it and sigh.¬† I want to live with joy in the Lord!

 

 
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Posted by on August 22, 2012 in contentment, family, garden, injury, joy

 

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