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Unworthy

22 Aug

One of my favorite ice-breaker questions is, “What is your very first memory? The first thing you can remember from your childhood?” This is a great conversation starter and you really can learn a lot about a person when you ask it. My very first memory is actually being potty-trained. You probably don’t believe me, but it’s true. I remember because when I would go to the bathroom, I would get sprinkles as a reward and I remember licking them off my hand and the colors would stay on my hand. And I didn’t like the round sprinkles as much because they would get stuck in the cracks of my fingers. Isn’t it crazy how vivid that is?? And it’s not from hearing people tell me the story because when I told my family this last Christmas, none of them remembered.

Seriously, think about it: what is your first memory? You might be surprised what you remember. And ask others- it’s always fun to see what friends remember.

So what’s with the sudden interest in memory? I had a virtual appointment with my doctor from Cleveland last week and I explained to her the memory issues I was having. She confirmed that it is a really common complaint with those that have epilepsy and it could just be from the epilepsy itself but it’s also a side effect of my meds. Because I’m finally seizure free, we aren’t willing to change up any medication so I’m kind of stuck there. I asked if anything could be done because I’m losing some long term memories but mostly having trouble with everything short term. Her answer was to keep notes and lists. -_-

One of the things I’ve really noticed me starting to forget that’s bugged me the most is Bible stories. I mean, seriously, these are stories I’ve heard and read since I was born and I can’t remember them! So I decided I needed to do an overview of the Bible. Some friends and I are currently reading through the Bible in 90 days. It’s a lot of reading a day but it’s totally worth it. We’re doing it through the Bible app and we can post a note each day on something God has taught us and that way we are learning from each other too. It’s really been a blessing so far.

Something that struck me was a verse in Genesis. Jacob was about to meet Esau and he was afraid of what Esau might do to him so he’s praying to the Lord. And part of his prayer says:

“And Jacob said, ‘O God of my father Abraham and God of my father Isaac, O LORD who said to me, “Return to your country and to your kindred, that I may do you good,’ I am not worthy of the least of all the deeds of steadfast love and all the faithfulness that you have shown to your servant, for with only my staff I crossed this Jordan, and now I have become two camps.'” Gen. 32:9-10

So on days when I get frustrated because I can’t remember things, or I feel exhausted from the meds, I WROTE THIS VERSE DOWN so I can remember it. Because I am not worthy of ANY of God’s love and faithfulness that he has shown me either. And I don’t want to forget that.

 
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Posted by on August 22, 2018 in epilepsy

 

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